You are here at the start of a moment. . . The moment when you thought you knew who you were, and what you were going to be "when you grow up".
I am a classically trained singer with a Bachelor’s Degree in Vocal Performance from the West Texas A&M School of Music. I am very proud the work I did to earn a rarely completed degree. I always thought that my singing and musicianship was the end goal, not a means-to-an-end. After graduating I pursued music and took lessons from a well known teacher in North Texas when I learned that I needed to have surgery that ultimately would affect my singing, my path and my purpose.
I had surgery to remove a uterine fibroid, and I was left with nerve damage in my pelvic floor and lower abdominal muscles. After trying to sing again, doing extensive tissue work, and getting back to lessons, I realized the surgery left me unable to sing without pain.
I had to find something new, a new label or vision to base my identify on. I had to find something to do with myself. All the sacrifices, and strict focus weren’t the main goal anymore.
I realize now, that this was my Dark Night of the Soul.
Without the distraction of singing, I had to spend time with myself - the dreaded time with one’s self, where you can’t do enough to run away from anything you were ignoring, and no longer had the convenience of distraction. If you’ve been there, know that I have too. If you’ve made the choice to look at your self in the mirror and face your darkness and growth head on, know that I have too.
That’s why I am here. It was the start of a moment that lead to a new path, and a new purpose. I began my healing journey and began to accept my energetic gifts. I stopped suppressing them, and began to work with spirit. The healing process isn’t linear and it doesn’t have one lane. I was healing my self-image, my childhood trauma, sexual abuse, the conditioning towards worthlessness, and my denial of my connection to spirit all at the same time.
But all these things are not compartmentalized; they are part of a greater whole; something bigger than myself. Just as someone would do conditioning exercises to be able to perform, healing all these areas independently, allowed more parts to heal, (parts of sadness, and anger that I didn't know I had!) and it allowed me to have more access to myself.
Know that I am with you on your journey, not only will I hold your hand, but I've been there too. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you are always more than enough.